Felicitations Malefactors [Open]

Erbia had heard about this bar from a few of his previous job "partners" and decided to check it out. And for a backwater world like Earth was, comparatively speaking, it wasn't half bad. Hell, he'd even managed to get in a decent game of cards with some of the local mercs, and shared some stories. It was pretty decent all around in here, and at least now he knew one mercenary bar on this world had a decent drink at some damned decent prices.

Of course, being a mercenary bar you get all sorts of folks wandering in looking to hire. And of course being Earth, it was a really weird one. Some twat dressed up in full plate armour looking like something that out of a museum strolled in, flanked by four similarly attired people. None of them seemed that powerful, probably the reason they were looking to hire out after all. Of course that was before he gave this grandiose speech with way too many fancy flowery words... The Heran had dealt with enough Arcosians and other political bullshitters to understand the gist of what this guy was after before he explained it for the rest of the bar.

So this guy without a coin to his name wanted to hire out anyone and everyone who would join him in an attempt to conquer the world. Erbia snorted in derision, taking a drink of his whiskey before the guy conjured up a solid gold bar in his hand. Now that was definitely interesting, which made the Heran curious as well as cautious.

"Let me get this straight, before some of the green horns here get all enticed by your offer and do something stupid." he called out, hiking a thumb at some of the people in here practically salivating at the sight of the lump of solid gold in the tin can man's hand. They snorted at Erbia whilst some of the more experienced lot just chuckled. "You come in here, asking for anyone to join you on this crusade of yours to take over the world," the Heran said, eliciting some oh's from the crowd and snickers as well.

"Yeah I understood his flowery shite show of a speech." he said, making a ball of energy appear at a finger tip which cowed the snickers. He put the energy away and looked back to the man in the overly spiky armour. "Anyway, back to what I was saying. See, what I don't get is you said you don't have any money to your name. And yet, in the very next second, you create a large ass lump of supposedly solid gold." Erbia pointed out. "Already you aren't exactly adding on the up and up."

He spread his hands and shrugged. "But hey maybe you're the type of contract who's got more money than sense... I've worked with your type before. Managed to fleece a fair few too." Erbia said with a chuckle, and some of the older mercs joined in as well. Seems he wasn't the only one to get those kind of jobs now and again.

"Which brings us to the next question. Assuming that that gold there in your hand is legit, what kind of time pay scale we looking at here? That much gold per year? Per month? Per week? Per day? Per hour?" the Heran asked, every mercs eyes in the bar now following the conversation. Payment plans were very important in this line of work, especially if you're talking a big job like this.

"And of course, I've just gotta ask... why are you wanting to take over the world? For the giggles? Or for some ideological reason? Political maybe? Because honestly in that get up," Erbia said as he gestured to the ridiculously over the top and spiky armour the guy was wearing, "I'm almost inclined to believe you don't even know what century you're even in." he remarked, getting a few chuckles and ayes from the crowd.

"And if that's the case, then that means you don't have an accurate idea of what you're getting in for, which means you aren't that trustworthy a client. And if I can't trust a client to come up with the goods and expects me to do all the heavy lifting and thinking for them... Well, then I don't take that kind of client. All the work and none of the glory? No thanks." he finished up, before taking a large draught of his drink to wet his whistle.

Erbia raised an eyebrow as this overly edgey bastard decided he was now hired. The fact that he called him a Haren as well rather than Heran... might be case of an accent maybe. Whatever, not like he was going to correct the spiky wannabe conqueror. He sat and listened to the buggers speech and explanation whilst he continued his drink. The man's original offer had been vaguely interesting, but after hearing everything this guy had just told him...

"Let me see if I've got this straight..." the Heran said, slowly resting his now empty glass back on the table. "It took you thirty whole years to take over a world, which you then razed and ravaged of all life... just because you got picked on in school?" he asked, wanting to make sure he had managed to summarise this sentient machine things oh so tragic origin story.

"And you now want to take revenge on the entire galaxy... because you put yourself into this machine body thing, again because you got picked on in school?" Erbia asked, just to make sure that he had heard this clearly insane bastards story correctly.

Now he had worked for a couple of mad men in the past before, but this guy was in an entirely different league of sheer insanity. Whatever this former Tuffle did to shove himself into this suit of armour clearly knocked a few screws loose in the old motherboard of a brain he probably has up in that head of his.

"It's going to have to be a hard pass I'm afraid. Don't get me wrong, the pay sounds pretty decent... but I don't take on ideological crusades as a rule. They never go well for either side in my experience, you understand..." Erbia explained to this passionate metal Tuffle thing.

An idea crossed his mind though that made the Heran smirk. "However, don't feel too disheartened there Spiky. I think I do know someone who might be interested in helping you conquer this planet if you want? And you won't even need to pay them." Erbia offered, already picturing in his head how that potential meeting between these two delusional power-hungry twats would go down.

Oh yeah, he was most certainly dodging a bullet with this absolute nutter. This guy was almost like a bad parody he was just that mad... Hell, Erbia would rather accept a Majin as a client and even a crew mate than take on a job from this guy. And he absolutely loathed the elastic rubber gum thing freaks.

The Heran had to resist covering his face with his palm at this literal edgelords choice of name, which was apparently based on some game character he'd made back during his school days... Yup, definitely a really bad parody... And then that laugh... Yeah, no there was no resisting it now. Erbia groaned and covered his face in his palm, grumbling under his breath at this absolute moron sitting across from him right now. He took a slow breath before he spoke. "First, piece of advice... Lose the laugh. Unless you want people to compare you to a kids story time villain. Your call on that one." the Heran advised Black Hearth.

"Second, whilst I can't contact the guy directly I can tell you where you'd probably be able to find him." Erbia began to explain. "I last saw him over in Skull Valley out in Diablo Desert which is out to the west of here. You should be able to spot him pretty easily if you look for him." he said, chuckling briefly. "He's a pretty big guy, hard to miss. Covered in scales and spikes, has a pair of massive wings and a tail. Likes to breath fire. Goes by the name of Slayg."

Of course this guy wouldn't understand what the Heran meant regarding his completely stupid and inane "evil" laugh. When the offer to join him was made again, Erbia shook his head. "We'll see. Till then Spikey." he mused, absolutely refusing to use that ridiculous game name this lunatic had decreed for himself.

With the man finally leaving, Erbia would wait until he was completely gone before slamming his head into the table. "By whatever bloody gods are out there, what in the actual fuck was that?!" the Heran asked the rest of the bar, everyone agreeing that that was just straight up weird and insane. "I'll tell you guys one thing, if he keeps that up with the guy I just sent him to see... Won't be a problem for any of us, that's for sure." he chuckled, already waving one of the servers over to get him a refill.

"Surprised ye didnae ask the fool fer a finders fee fer that 'ook up." one of the older mercs by the bar called over with a chuckle of his own. Erbia laughed and shook his head. "The hell am I going to do with a solid gold bar like that eh? Put it in a bank?!" he asked in return, the bar chuckling at the notion before they all returned to their earlier conversations before the interruption. The Heran almost felt bad for Black Hearth and what he was walking himself into.

Almost.