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Post by Lottus on Jan 29, 2024 2:11:29 GMT -5
His recovery had been going well, despite the fact he refused to be kept in the capitol's palace hospital. There was still an underlying... injury. Or at the very least, he felt it. Taori's blow had been a brutal one - something Lottus could approve of. But the aching him his lower back was the least of his concerns.
He is alive again. And nothing quite exemplified this than the continuous battles he still found himself getting into. His visit to Namek to check out the Mazoku Clan Gandigan held such pride in yielded greatly amusing results. Now, he had a handle on how strong they were - and with how backhanded Gandigan was prepared to be to reneg on the deal Lottus had made with him, he had wanted to gauge the rest of them. Well, he'd gotten his results - the were strong, that lot. Stronger, certainly, than many - but not yet threatening.
Lottus rests with his back against the cliff face overlooking Sadala City, and the palace glinting in the bright midday sunlight. His eyes pick up the distant shapes and movements of ships and pods, of Saiyans in teams heading into the wilderness to keep the Saiba Beasts' populations in check. The large Saiyan watches in silence, his mind a blank slate as he just... took it in. There were times where it was just... better to sit... and not think. But that peace would only last so long. It wouldn't be too long until Lottus' mind began conjuring names and faces, though he would try to shake the thoughts off.
His own words to Gandigan came back to him...
Kill me a thousand times, and I will come back every time. I will be the end of the Universe!!
Lottus blinks, pushing the thought aside. But again, his own words come back to him, this time words he'd spoken to Yatapi...
That's what it means to be Saiyan. Keep moving forward, and destroy every wall trying to hold you back.
Why did those words come to him now? Lottus continues to watch the Saiyans of Sadala in their ignorant goings on. But words rang loud above it all - Rapini's last words to him...
I love you, Lottus. Let's meet again, so I can love you all over again. ...But she couldn't. He had refused death. He had refused to be reincarnated as a new being. Rapini was lost to him now, and there was no power in the universe that could change that. But it was just as well that she couldn't.
He could still hear the screams after all. The screams of beings who had nothing to do with Destron, save for the fact that the chemical was being produced on, or being sold on, their planets. Rage had swelled in his chest each time, and his power always erupted - it always took control. Feeding his battle fervor, his desire to slaughter. He always let himself be swept up in it, to be used by it. They deserved to be slaughtered; that what he always told himself.
But did they? He could have stopped at killing the people responsible, but didn't. He never stopped. And the screams of millions still rang in his mind, even as the sight of the worlds cracking under his feet would fill his vision. The horrific things he'd done were supposed to make him feel fulfilled. There was one thing he knew... If Rapini was alive... she would hate him. Not just for what he was doing, but for why he was doing it. He constantly told himself lies to feed his need of self destruction.
He lied to himself that it was in the name of revenge, for Rapini. He lied that he was trying to eliminate Destron because of the manner it killed people; when he'd now killed far more people than it ever did in the fifty years of war. So he justified himself; if they were making Destron, they would use it. They could kill worlds of people and civilizations horribly. ...But instead, that is what he was doing. He never gave those worlds a chance. He destroyed them, and that was that. Would he really end the universe if he found Destron on every planet?
"...What am I, Rapini...?" Lottus asks the air before him as it blows through his bangs. "...Just a monster. A dog. A traitorous bastard. A hypocrite. ...Then why...?"
He had made many an enemy. But in spite of the things he had done, things kept happening that shouldn't. Cato had taken him in her confidence, and claimed that she considered him a friend. Well... now she was gone. Not dead, but certainly not on Plant - and though she had done wrong... no. She hadn't done wrong to him. She had been afraid that day. He saw it in her eyes, past her furious, hateful expression. Afraid of him.
Yatapi too had... somehow seemed to act as though he saw through Lottus' bravado, and even went as far as to help cleanse the ruined city of all Destron, making it effectively possible to rebuild there all while Lottus had assaulted Hatchi again. Vocado had all but begged Lottus to stop, and paid the price - and Lottus wasn't sure Vocado had survived the blast or not. There had been more to come and go; even Taori had tried, and tried hard, to reach out to him.
Why, when he did so much, and continued to do so much, did people keep trying to reach him? Because he was powerful - beyond powerful, he was one of the mightiest beings in this universe... They wanted his power; a soldier, a weapon. ...But Taori had denied that claim, repeatedly. In then end though, every single person Lottus met eventually had the same expression on their face when gazing upon his - and that was their determination to put a stop to him. In the end - not one other Saiyan stood with him. His allies had always been opportunists looking to take advantage of the carnage, carnage that he instigated.
His was a name that was reviled, a face that was despised, a voice that was never wanted. He couldn't even claim that he was doing this to strengthen the Saiyans through the conflicts he was instigating. He had no justifications for what he was doing, and he had been dragging Rapini's memory through the mud with every act. But he so loathed Destron... more than anything, he hated it. And his hatred for it had become nothing but an excuse.
The hatred other held for him, though, was justified. Lottus could feel hate and fury building in his chest like an inferno, and he could feel his power in turn beginning to boil under the surface.
A new image suddenly explodes in Lottus' mind. A smiling, excited face of someone hurling themself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck in a hug. Jagaimo had greeted him with expressions that he wasn't used to seeing. Anger he knew, but hers was an indignant anger - not born from hate. And that anger had immediately morphed into a happy, relieved expression. Even as they had held their discussion, and as brazen and brutish he had explained himself to her, the Saiyan had just... accepted it. Just as she had when he had met her while hunting a Saibabeast Rex.
He saw disappointment in her eyes, but also patience. She looked at him... as Rapini had done. He had stared at her as she had slept by him, and wondered again as he'd wondered then... Why she had been so... accepting. It had been deeply confusing, or he had convinced himself of that confusion.
Lottus heaves a ragged inhale, and presses his right palm against his eyes. When he pulled back his hand, the palm was wet. Gritting his teeth irritably, Lottus closes his hand into a fist, and wiped at his eyes roughly. No, he couldn't allow people to care for him - that would mean dragging them into his world. Jagaimo didn't deserve that world. His was a world of eventual self destruction; it was just a question of how many he took with him before he was inevitably killed again.
Lottus grunts, and stands up, letting the wind brush his mane aside. Part of the conversation he'd had with her pushes forward in his memory...
What's with all the questions and talk about the future anyways? I have no reason to think about the future; I don't have a future. And when I tried to have one, it went very badly. What's it to you, anyway? he had said. Her response had been swift, and strong, stronger than he'd expected it to be.
Your a liar. You think about the future more than you admit. About all those battles to be fought. About your own survival. If you didn't you'd never have bothered to come back. You like living. Forget the future then and just live in the present.
...But there were already matters in progress. Other warriors had reached out to him, and he was expected on Earth in a few days. Nasu had told him that many more worlds, like Earth, were producing or moving Destron. If this was true, he'd find out, and make the planet rethink ever involving themselves with the chemical.
He had to. It was easier to be hated, and it was easier to be a monster with no future. Lottus looks down the cliff, down towards the Tarble Village, and grimaces. He turns away from the Saiyans, and thumps heavy bootsteps as he makes his way through the dusty rocks towards his awaiting ship...
He is alive again. And nothing quite exemplified this than the continuous battles he still found himself getting into. His visit to Namek to check out the Mazoku Clan Gandigan held such pride in yielded greatly amusing results. Now, he had a handle on how strong they were - and with how backhanded Gandigan was prepared to be to reneg on the deal Lottus had made with him, he had wanted to gauge the rest of them. Well, he'd gotten his results - the were strong, that lot. Stronger, certainly, than many - but not yet threatening.
Lottus rests with his back against the cliff face overlooking Sadala City, and the palace glinting in the bright midday sunlight. His eyes pick up the distant shapes and movements of ships and pods, of Saiyans in teams heading into the wilderness to keep the Saiba Beasts' populations in check. The large Saiyan watches in silence, his mind a blank slate as he just... took it in. There were times where it was just... better to sit... and not think. But that peace would only last so long. It wouldn't be too long until Lottus' mind began conjuring names and faces, though he would try to shake the thoughts off.
His own words to Gandigan came back to him...
Kill me a thousand times, and I will come back every time. I will be the end of the Universe!!
Lottus blinks, pushing the thought aside. But again, his own words come back to him, this time words he'd spoken to Yatapi...
That's what it means to be Saiyan. Keep moving forward, and destroy every wall trying to hold you back.
Why did those words come to him now? Lottus continues to watch the Saiyans of Sadala in their ignorant goings on. But words rang loud above it all - Rapini's last words to him...
I love you, Lottus. Let's meet again, so I can love you all over again. ...But she couldn't. He had refused death. He had refused to be reincarnated as a new being. Rapini was lost to him now, and there was no power in the universe that could change that. But it was just as well that she couldn't.
He could still hear the screams after all. The screams of beings who had nothing to do with Destron, save for the fact that the chemical was being produced on, or being sold on, their planets. Rage had swelled in his chest each time, and his power always erupted - it always took control. Feeding his battle fervor, his desire to slaughter. He always let himself be swept up in it, to be used by it. They deserved to be slaughtered; that what he always told himself.
But did they? He could have stopped at killing the people responsible, but didn't. He never stopped. And the screams of millions still rang in his mind, even as the sight of the worlds cracking under his feet would fill his vision. The horrific things he'd done were supposed to make him feel fulfilled. There was one thing he knew... If Rapini was alive... she would hate him. Not just for what he was doing, but for why he was doing it. He constantly told himself lies to feed his need of self destruction.
He lied to himself that it was in the name of revenge, for Rapini. He lied that he was trying to eliminate Destron because of the manner it killed people; when he'd now killed far more people than it ever did in the fifty years of war. So he justified himself; if they were making Destron, they would use it. They could kill worlds of people and civilizations horribly. ...But instead, that is what he was doing. He never gave those worlds a chance. He destroyed them, and that was that. Would he really end the universe if he found Destron on every planet?
"...What am I, Rapini...?" Lottus asks the air before him as it blows through his bangs. "...Just a monster. A dog. A traitorous bastard. A hypocrite. ...Then why...?"
He had made many an enemy. But in spite of the things he had done, things kept happening that shouldn't. Cato had taken him in her confidence, and claimed that she considered him a friend. Well... now she was gone. Not dead, but certainly not on Plant - and though she had done wrong... no. She hadn't done wrong to him. She had been afraid that day. He saw it in her eyes, past her furious, hateful expression. Afraid of him.
Yatapi too had... somehow seemed to act as though he saw through Lottus' bravado, and even went as far as to help cleanse the ruined city of all Destron, making it effectively possible to rebuild there all while Lottus had assaulted Hatchi again. Vocado had all but begged Lottus to stop, and paid the price - and Lottus wasn't sure Vocado had survived the blast or not. There had been more to come and go; even Taori had tried, and tried hard, to reach out to him.
Why, when he did so much, and continued to do so much, did people keep trying to reach him? Because he was powerful - beyond powerful, he was one of the mightiest beings in this universe... They wanted his power; a soldier, a weapon. ...But Taori had denied that claim, repeatedly. In then end though, every single person Lottus met eventually had the same expression on their face when gazing upon his - and that was their determination to put a stop to him. In the end - not one other Saiyan stood with him. His allies had always been opportunists looking to take advantage of the carnage, carnage that he instigated.
His was a name that was reviled, a face that was despised, a voice that was never wanted. He couldn't even claim that he was doing this to strengthen the Saiyans through the conflicts he was instigating. He had no justifications for what he was doing, and he had been dragging Rapini's memory through the mud with every act. But he so loathed Destron... more than anything, he hated it. And his hatred for it had become nothing but an excuse.
The hatred other held for him, though, was justified. Lottus could feel hate and fury building in his chest like an inferno, and he could feel his power in turn beginning to boil under the surface.
A new image suddenly explodes in Lottus' mind. A smiling, excited face of someone hurling themself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck in a hug. Jagaimo had greeted him with expressions that he wasn't used to seeing. Anger he knew, but hers was an indignant anger - not born from hate. And that anger had immediately morphed into a happy, relieved expression. Even as they had held their discussion, and as brazen and brutish he had explained himself to her, the Saiyan had just... accepted it. Just as she had when he had met her while hunting a Saibabeast Rex.
He saw disappointment in her eyes, but also patience. She looked at him... as Rapini had done. He had stared at her as she had slept by him, and wondered again as he'd wondered then... Why she had been so... accepting. It had been deeply confusing, or he had convinced himself of that confusion.
Lottus heaves a ragged inhale, and presses his right palm against his eyes. When he pulled back his hand, the palm was wet. Gritting his teeth irritably, Lottus closes his hand into a fist, and wiped at his eyes roughly. No, he couldn't allow people to care for him - that would mean dragging them into his world. Jagaimo didn't deserve that world. His was a world of eventual self destruction; it was just a question of how many he took with him before he was inevitably killed again.
Lottus grunts, and stands up, letting the wind brush his mane aside. Part of the conversation he'd had with her pushes forward in his memory...
What's with all the questions and talk about the future anyways? I have no reason to think about the future; I don't have a future. And when I tried to have one, it went very badly. What's it to you, anyway? he had said. Her response had been swift, and strong, stronger than he'd expected it to be.
Your a liar. You think about the future more than you admit. About all those battles to be fought. About your own survival. If you didn't you'd never have bothered to come back. You like living. Forget the future then and just live in the present.
...But there were already matters in progress. Other warriors had reached out to him, and he was expected on Earth in a few days. Nasu had told him that many more worlds, like Earth, were producing or moving Destron. If this was true, he'd find out, and make the planet rethink ever involving themselves with the chemical.
He had to. It was easier to be hated, and it was easier to be a monster with no future. Lottus looks down the cliff, down towards the Tarble Village, and grimaces. He turns away from the Saiyans, and thumps heavy bootsteps as he makes his way through the dusty rocks towards his awaiting ship...
WC: 1,612
